My Mission

I guess you could say that I’m on a mission. But it is totally a personal journey.

I noticed that I was spending a lot of time worrying about my life. Don’t get me wrong; I have a great life: Good job that I love; Great husband that I love; Two beautiful, intelligent chilldren that I love; a home; friends; just about everything a girl could ever want! But I’m not happy with me….fat, lazy, blah, blah, blah…. 

So about 7 months ago (August 2010) I decided that I would stop sitting around worrying about my weight, my laziness, and my imperfections and instead I’d spend every day like it was almost Christmas. Now the key to understanding this philosophy is to know that every year, between Thanksgiving and returning back to work after the Christmas break, I spend time listening to Christmas music and being crafty. I always have a puzzle to complete, goodies to bake, crafts to finish and gifts to wrap. This is my FAVORITE time of year! All this business of “creating”.

My new mission, and way of life, is to spend all of my “spare” time crafting and creating. It also helps that I started seeing a psychologist. She has been very supportive and recommended some books on art and psychotherapy. She also teaches mindfulness, which is a whole new way of being for me. My new explorations into crafting have been very theraputic, not to mention that I’m actually, finally getting my money’s worth out of all those crafting materials I’ve purchased over the years! I’ve also stopped beating myself up because I wasn’t “doing” anything. I now see that it’s ok to just sit. It’s ok to stop multi-tasking and just focus on one thing. It’s ok to just breathe. And it’s ok to craft and create!

UPDATE: (August 3, 2011)

My life is different today! First off, my psychologist declared me “cured”. What does that mean? Well, it means that I see myself differently than I did a year ago. I realize now that I am a talented, good, intelligent, caring, funny woman, who just happens to be in a fat body. My focus is not on my imperfections, but instead on my uniqueness. Am I working on these imperfections? Yes. But only as much as I want. I’m not letting my perceptions of what the world says I should be like determine my mood and actions. I’m allowing myself to accept praise, especially from myself. I’m not listening to that nasty little nagging voice in my head that tells me I’m less than I should AND I’m something to be ashamed of. Instead I tell that voice to “bug off!” I’ve gotten so good at ignoring that voice and seeking happiness, that my therapist set me free. Do I miss her? Yes! But I don’t need her. I’m my own therapist now.

I also enjoy mindfulness. I love the aspect of turning inward to check my internal state and thoughts. I’ve always been cautious of meditation. My Christian upbringing has taught me to stay away from meditating to hear God’s voice, and instead to find His voice in The Word. But meditating on His Word and my thoughts has helped me to improve my anxiety, stress, and depression. I’m now accepting and embracing the Holy Spirit working within me. I’m seeing that I am a child of God, and that I am beautifully made. The uniqueness I have been given serves a purpose. I’m not selfish when I spend some time with myself, doing things I like. Instead I’m nurturing me so I can be better for serving Him. You would be surprised how much extra time you can find in your day when you live for happiness and Christ! You’d also be surprised at the amount of work the Holy Spirit leads you to when you start to listen with your heart and recognize opportunities for serving. I’m really liking myself now.

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